Chivalry vs Sexism: Can you hit a girl?

Chivalry and Benevolent Sexism

What is chivalry? Basically, chivalry is polite or ‘gentlemanly’ behavior towards women. Things like holding the door for a lady, saying “ladies first,” or “You can't hit a girl.” As a concept, you can see it as courtesy, or a good thing, but when you go deeper, is it? 

When you hear the term ‘sexism’  you might think of the pay gap, or beliefs that women are weaker or less intelligent. But there is another kind of sexism, a kind that usually goes unnoticed. Benevolent sexism is essentially when women are treated well, but due to beliefs in negative stereotypes, thinking you need to take care of a woman, or that they need extra assistance. While at its surface this doesn’t seem as harmful as hostile sexism, research by Beatrice Alba (Deakin University) shows “one experiment found that exposure to benevolently sexist comments led women [. . .] to be more likely to think of themselves as incompetent.” 

But how does chivalry tie into this? Chivalry originated as a code that emphasized courage, honour and courtesy, without gender being a factor. It shifted from the original knight’s code to what it is today, and this needs to change.

The Issue with Chivalry

There’s nothing wrong with being polite or courteous. Holding a door open for someone who has their hands full? How nice. Paying when you go out to eat? Thanks! Giving up your seat on the bus to someone tired? That’s good of you. The issue isn’t kindness. It’s when it becomes gendered.

Maybe the best example of this is the phrase, “You can’t hit a girl.” As a teen girl myself, I take issue with this phrase. To many, this is an ideal that is instilled at a young age, but the roots of this belief are inherently sexist. But what I want to know is why can’t you hit girls, specifically? The truth is, that this stems from the idea that girls are weaker. That they cannot protect themselves. And reinforcing that stereotype? That is exactly the issue. 

Politeness beyond Genders

People do not need to give up simple kindnesses or courtesies for an equal society. All they need to  do is stop deciding courtesy based on something as trivial as gender. Instead of following modern chivalry, just be a good person. This doesn’t just apply to men, this applies to women too. Hold the door open for anyone who has their hands full.  Offer to pay when going out with someone. But don’t do it because of gender. 

So, to answer the question, ‘Can you hit a girl?’ No. But not because she’s a girl. Not because it’s ‘chivalrous.’ You shouldn’t hit anyone. So stop applying genders to politeness- Everyone deserves respect, whether they’re a girl or a boy.

Bibliography

Alba, Beatrice. “No, Chivalry Is Not Dead – but It’s about Time It Was.” The Conversation, 17 Jan. 2022, theconversation.com/no-chivalry-is-not-dead-but-its-about-time-it-was-174197.